April and I headed out of the field house and across campus. The trek across is one large climb to the main road and then a big descent back down to the other side. Her dorm was on the other side so we climbed.
The weather that day was unseasonably warm. In Kansas, you take the warmth of those odd winter days and soak it up. They don’t last too long, but they give everyone a chance to take a breath and gear up for the 40 mph northern winds and driving snow that will be coming within a day or two. We felt the warmth of the sun on our backs as we walked up the hill. The snow that had been on the ground for the majority of the winter was taking this opportunity to melt into patches of soggy grass and mud.
We walked in a vaguely comfortable but weird silence. I spent the time constructing and asking loaded, leading statements like “Well, good thing it is only basketball you don’t like…” and “Gosh, it must be the nice weather that made you want to go early because it couldn’t possibly have been the company. ha ha. ha.” I sounded like an idiot and she confirmed that by responding with short answers that didn’t give me much confidence for her reasons to leave the game.
We got to the middle of campus, which is also the top of the hill and reached a point of decision. Which path to take? We could walk a straight line down the steep hill where the soggy grass/snow patchwork quilt was laid out or we could take the path along the main road through dry sidewalks of the campus. I stood and studied both options for about ten seconds while April, without a word, started down the hill at full speed.
April is a dancer, she was a cheerleader in high school, she is very coordinated. Unless, she is put on an incline, where she immediately turns into the scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz. Add in the soggy grass and she is one of the contestants from Wipeout. One of the bad contestants.
She made it about five steps down the hill before she started to slip, skid and glide. At the first slide, she screamed and threw her arms up above her head to catch her balance and overcompensated, the kind of overcompensation where you push your upper body into a tight curve so that your chin ends up on your chest. She tried to step back to catch herself and planted her foot on a sheer piece of ice. And again, she let out an ear piercing shriek and was sliding. Instead of regaining her balance, like a normal person, she skidded on one foot for a second before she corrected her balance and pushed her body too far forward and began the windmill arms, flailing legs, “I better keep moving or I’ll do a face plant” run. It lasted another second or two before her lead foot hit another soggy piece of grass and she took on the form of a pro skater, back foot well above her rear end and arms out like she was an airplane ready to take flight. From that position, she managed to throw her leg back down and continued to screech and slide down the hill as if she was on a airport “people mover” with body stiff and legs locked. She finished the show with both legs thrown out in front and landing on her rear end in the mud with a “OOOOF.” She skated on her butt and eventually her back for about ten feet before she came to a halt about halfway down the hill. The scream lasted a few seconds longer.
I stood at the top of the hill and watched with disbelief. I moved between not looking, because I didn’t want her to be embarrassed, to looking and laughing really hard because it was one of the funniest things I had seen in a long time, to looking around to see if anyone else was seeing or hearing this because it was awesome.
When she finally skidded to a halt, I walked down and helped her up and asked if she was alright while trying to keep a straight face. It was tough.
She was wet and covered with mud from her shoulder to her knee. There was even some in her hair, but she surprised me again. She was laughing really, really hard. She mentioned something about looking like an idiot and that she was embarrassed, but she laughed, almost as loudly as she had screamed.
I loved that.
We walked a few more paces and I found an excellent opportunity to move in. I said, “We still have a lot of hill to walk down. You better hold my hand so that you don’t slip again.” And she did. The grasp didn’t last very long, just to the bottom of the hill, but she had taken my hand and I thought she was lovely for doing it.
The rest of the walk went slowly and we talked quite a bit. I’m not sure what we talked about, but I remember that we walked through the football stadium and took our time getting back to her dorm. We ate dinner there and I said goodnight.
It was a good day.
And now for your enjoyment, we flew in a professional acting company to reenact the fall.
Fast Tube by Casper
[and just to be annoying - to be continued]

I LOVED the professional acting! Also love your story, Clay.
OH MY GAWD.
Priceless.
(Ellen, let’s talk Broadway!).
What a hoot!!!!
Oh this is awesome! Though I really wish you would have waiting for a heavy rain and mud.
Good golly miss molly. Too funny. How many camera angles were there?
You all are just TOO much fun!! I SO enjoy your family. You inspire me to laugh more with mine!
OW!!
I’m pretty sure you guys need to change your name to “Desi” and “Lucy”.
So was this filmed on the college campus and is Ellen going there and will she be famous before she even enrolls? Or perhaps she could get a scholarship?
And was she hurt in the fall??? Looked very convincing. and painful!
That was pretty funny stuff.
And pretty entertaining story–can’t wait for the next installment!
Oh my gosh I am dying here!! That is so hilarious! My back hurts from laughing.
Laughed until it hurt. I love the gift of being able to laugh at yourself. (Not that I know what it is like to have that gift…I am somehow related to Sam Eagle from the Muppets that way.)
You guys are a crack up. Wish you were my neighbors.
Ellen, you are such a good sport !!!
Loved the music and slo-mo sound effects. Awesome story and great acting!
the story, the video and the theme from the ATeam. All hysterical. Ellen-great job yet again of doing an impression of your mom!
Great acting! Oscar quality. Great story.
I had to watch it twice right away and laughted harder the secod time!!! You guys are a hoot! Ellen kudos for the top notch acting!
I’m loving this story……..it’s awesome. And the video……O M G!!!! Ellen………….you are a very gifted actress!! I think I see stunt double in your future!!
That video was a hoot. I laughed really hard.
Still laughing my a$$ off!!!
I’ve been looking forward to this chapter. Perfect telling, perfect title, and I LOVE the re-enactment. I’m so glad Georgie mentioned that was the theme from the A-Team, though. I would have been tossing and turning all night trying to figure it out in my dreams. Now, if you had done The Love Boat theme song, I could have sung along.
Love the video!!
you guys are awesome! seriously. keep writting Clay I love it!
As soon as Clay mentioned Wipeout, I knew it was going to get ugly. My son loves that show and I have been banned from being watching it with him. He says I laugh too much.
Ellen, you are fantastic! I see a great acting career in your future.
How much did you have to pay Ellen to do that! I wouldn’t have done it for any amount of money….that looked pretty dangerous to me! Good show Ellen!!!!
Hey: There is a picture of Clay in what looks like beekeeping equipment…is it? Tom and I are old experts and have a few funny stories to share about that with you sometime. Love, Bo
What a great acting job. LOL
Poor April.
giggle, giggle, bawwwhahahaha, snort, teehee!! What a very proffessional actress!!!
Hilarious!
My 10 y.o. daughter says, “Poor April. But she only had to fall once. How many times did Ellen have to fall? That’s not fair.”
O.K. Clay…the video negates our irritation that we need more!! Good diversion! : )
Ellen, good jaerb! Might she see an increase in her allowance coming soon?
April…wow! I have a problem with inclines, too. Know that you are not alone! ; )
Riot!
You guys are too much!! I found you via Ree “the pioneer woman” and I can’t thank her enough. Oh, April, to fall in wet cold mud…I probably would’ve laughed too. And Ellen, she’s such a good sport, I don’t think we could get my 16yr old son to do a re-enactment like that for us. We’re just way to silly for him. Can’t wait to read and see what’s next!
Commendations on your use of the A-Team theme – always adds class!
Enjoying every snippet of this lovely tribute. Keep ‘em coming!
Haaaaaaaahahahaha!!!! Loved it. You guys are awesome. Last but not least you are a gentleman Clay.
Bravo to the amazing actors…what a wonderful story…can’t wait for the next installment
You guys are too funny! Loved it!
Ellen is perfect for the part since she looks exactly like you. She also does a mean imitation of you. Thinking of the first videos you posted of her imitating the chicken coop story.
Funny!
Are you taking applications for additional family members? I will even sleep in a closet, you are all just so funny I want to join the family.
Clay, love the story, keep em comming!
i hurt.
too funny….
Thanks for the smiles today. Like Mother, like daughter. Ha!
Ya’ll are freaking funny!!!!
hilarious!!!
What? You didn’t whip out the hose to add some authentic mud to the scene? : )
Awesome reenactment! I think Ellen is going to deserve an Oscar by the end of the year…
BWWaahahahha! The A-Team! I PITY THE FOOL THAT DOESN’T LAUGH AT THIS ONE! Hilarious!!!
Clay – did you continue with the straight face, or did you laugh once you saw her laughing?
still laughing! soo funny! and well written. I feel like I was watching it right along side of you
Good stuff. It doesn’t get any better than a little hand holdin’. I’m being sincere when I say this.
I completed a 9-mile hike in Rocky Mountain National Park today, and for the first time in five years, I didn’t fall coming down the mountain.
I sympathize with those who struggle to walk down declines.
That is so funny. I agree, you guys are more like Desi & Lucy. Wish you were my neighbors. Your family is too cute.
I am crying I’m laughing so hard! This was hysterical…you guys are so funny!
Oh my goodness, I laughed so hard I cried. It was a very funny story to begin with but Ellen’s priceless reenactment was the icing on the cake. Thanks, after the weekend I just had, I really needed that! Can’t wait to read the next installment.
I have tears. I’m CRYING. Have you no shame? My mascara, for crying out loud.
While Ellen’s reenactment is a treasure, Clay sedately walking down the hill caps it for me.
Yea! I worried about Ellen tho. Those shrieks of laughter..screaming…your face. Great story!